Today is day one is back to counting calories. So far not too bad. Just lacking in

the water department. I just made an outline in my journal on what

days to eat high in calories and which days to make them low days for the

rest of the year. With starting to work at Amercan Girl on Wednesday.. I made

high day when work both jobs. At least it's only for a few weeks.

I am to be meeting J tomorrow for late lunch/dinner. Than Deb Wednesday night. I

kinda am not feeling her at all. But gonna go on a 2nd date.

OMG !!!! Joni & I went to the Ave. store and oooo they have the Jessica Smipson

jeans on sale for $19.99...PLUS!!!!!!!! I have THREE 40% coupons. Got to use them before

the 27th... or the 28th. I soo have to go there 3 times before then. Joni also

tried on a sweater that was cute on her. Gonna have my mom get it for her for

the Christmas Gift. Well, I am there tomorrow night.. hmmm maybe give ideas to J. JK!

So, I am in need of sex in the last few days.. think my period is coming soon.

It freaking sucks azz.

I wrote be writting till the 28th since I wont be online (looking at Kari)

Everyone have a great thanksgiving day/weekend.

Okay... I'm back

Today I am starting back on lossing this freaking weight. No more excuses. If I can do another job for 6 weeks.. I can stay with lossing weight/eating right for 6 weeks also. NewYearsEve willbe here soon. Kind of wanna spend that time with a gf.. other than going to Charles with Tony. Nice to ring in the newyear on my hands and knees. lol

Wow last night
Went to Club 94 alone to meet up with Tony/Mikey/Cathy. Yeah I was there for about 75mins. before they showed up. I ended up calling Liz from Zion. I was thinking that she wouldnt come at all.. and she did. DAmn!!! sooo.. not for me. Even Cathy saw that I wasnt into her at all. Did you watch that guy on Oprah.. "he isnt into you" something like that. Anyways, He was saying how there are different levels of calling of the ladies for dates. Theres the ones you call Sunday/Monday for plans for the weekend... then the Tuesday/Wednesday girls.. Thrusday/Friday.. or just as you are coming home and want someass. Yeah Liz in the last part. Since J didnt come.
Dells Butch be Sunday/Monday
J by Sunday/MondayTuesday/Wednesday
Dawn be Thursday
Deb and Liz be last min. after everything else had failed me.
Anyways, They finally showed up.. as I saw them.. saw that Liz and her friend just got there. Yeah right...
Within the first 5mins she had me staying in front of her dancing.. with her hands on my ass. yeah.. so was picturing it was the person I wanted to be there with me. Anyways... she only stayed like a hour.. thank GOD!. If anything would happen of Liz would be pure f*ck. But, since I am not looking for a F8ckbuddy... no worries.
DUDE BUBBA JUST PASTED AWAY... OUR LIBRARY CIRC DESK BETA FISHY. Guess I'll go take care of poor thingy...

I'm feeling green today... just an as in sick.. just the blues.. I guess I'll be going to the club alone (without a date) was really looking forward to it. ooo well.. and I was willing to pay. Tony is today's bday.. big 29 (really 39). Going over to Cathy's after work for food and drinks. I need to change my mood before I go over there.. cause right now I dont feel like going to club tonight.
Went to Dells Thursday night.. had fun. She really treated me like I was specail. I havnt had that happen to me in a long time. It's not the money spent, but how you use what you have and ideas. I don't of any relationship to come of it.. she is in love/relationship with this str8woman. long story. Got to sleep in the "play pen" lol she has a king size bed. tooo big for me, felt like I was lost lol Friday went to ind. to meet up with Dawn. Hmm.. yeah 93 miles one way, not gonna do that again around trip in one day. Didnt like that I have to pay my way for everything. I was thinking she could at least buy movie (omg I was a harry potter movie KARI!! yeah I was lost) or at least dinner. I did drive all the way down there.. and on the way back I bitched about her to Dells. She wouldnt even hold my hand in the movies. I asked her if it was okay. if not tell me!! Later that night she called me, and I told her whats up with that. "i get scared.... ect ect blah blah blah" come on. She said she wants to see me again. Who knows (rolling eyes) just have to come to more of an understanding with time and money.

Today is my LAST DAY of eating carefree. Sunday back on watch what I eat. I need to do that, since I told Dells of an idea of calories to eat to loss weight. Yeah, I should follow my own advice. I guess I wont loss a dress size this year. I have been lossing at least one to one half size per year.. since size 32. No 24 by newyears.

okay.. i need to get happy again.. 25mins left of work... wowoeoeee

Then put Peanuts DVD set into the bag and sign the dick card. Tony is a gay guy.. explains everything... LOL

PEACE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!ooo wow I need to stop eating sooo much!!!

In the last three days.. I have most likey ate enough to fed a small country. I have a new journal to write down and count the calories. I know it works for me.. just need to do it. I have to get back on track to loss some weight. I don't have the "get up and go" like a did a month ago. I have no excuse now.. no school..no homework.. printing..shooting.. all that sh!t.
I have an interview with American Girl on Tuesday in the morning. It's just a seasonal job. Just need a parttime job to hold me over for the mid-Dec to Mid-feb when I have a full paycheck. I am really need to move on. I really really hate that I am almost 29.. and I am not working fulltime. I know it's a turn off for some woman... but I am working on it. I dont wanna leave here for I job that I know I will not be happy in. If theres a chance I will.. I'll leave. And before I leave here.. I am soo gonna use as much sick leave as I can... all my personal time.. two discretionary day and maybe all my specail emergency..only 6.5 hours of that. I'm holding onto my vacation time.. because that be a nice check for about 70hours.
J and I went out last night. I ate wayyy too much. It was nice to hear from her. I enjoy spending time with her. Suprized her with flowers. lol yeah, I do buy flowers.. LOL
Thrusday night date.. oooo yeah, I told her I would go on another date.. but its gonna be smiple and I gonna have to tell her that I dont want to go out again. I am a woman of my word. Hate breaking a promise. All she does is talk about sex. I felt like shit after our date. I came home and stayed in the shower for about 20mins... had to wash away anything left. THANKGOD DIDNT HAVE SEX WITH HER!!! I shouldnt feel like that after a date.
I ended up telling Dells butch all what happened. She makes a good friend. I needed a kick in the ass for way I was thinking about what happened. I know that I should get better than that. I was just in that funk. Seeing, J made it a lot better.
So my mom is coming around about me being gay. Not like it took her sooo many years. ooOo 10 years plus. Anyways, last week J took me out and ended a perfect night with flowers.. awww wild flowers... smells so good. On monday or tuesday.. I was changing the water again and cutting the good ones and throwing away the died ones. I said kind of joking to my mom "maybe i'll get more flowers on Thrusday" She said for what.. I said going out on a date.. drum roll please... her reply was... even Joni was shocked..." are you going out with the same WOMAN?" OMG I didnt know what to say... I CANT believe that she said WOMAN!!!! wow!!! About freaking time!!!! yeah, I got flowers and they were mostly dead. J's was prettier and nicer.

What a last few days. I am cool about J.. yeah she sounded like is sick.. and was sleeping. Wondering if she went to work today.. when she is feeling better to go out again. I am soo femme.. God, sometimes it drives me up the wall LOL.
I am feeling like my life is not as I know it. There are some emptyness that I want to be filled with happeniess and love. That leads me to want to date... hope a gf... relationship.. the whole 9 years.. Heck, we are talking about me.. throw in an extra yard.
I can't believe that she is somewhat serious about her and her gf on the journaly of kids... wow, how what you think is one thing, turns out to be another. Like, as a child just crawling then learns how to walk. Does the child think... is this how I am to be living my life.. or should I just stay and crawl?? That's how I am seeing a crossroads in my life.
A great friend once told me that... if your late 20s, you will start to evaluate your life. When she told me that, I was thinking no way... I am 24 I know what I want. Now, I am in my late 20s.. yeah, you are so right !!
Tomorrow is Tuesday... wondering if I'll be lucky to go out with J. See what happens.
Since I have tomorrow off, I am going to a few places to find hoilday help. I really need to find another part time job for that reason. MONEY!!! I am seeing I am getting soo broke. It would be soo much worst if I didnt leave school. So hard with paying photo stuff... food money.. Metra tickets.. yeah, use that money to pay bills and go out to enjoy myself.

I have been rewriting what I feel. I am having mixed feelings this afternoon. It's a yucky day; sun trying to peek out.. rain clouds still hanging around. Got f*cked on Friday night and was to go to the club with her on Saturday night. Didn't happen. She said that she was feeling under the weather but a chance to go out. I called after work.. line busy.. hour later.. just rang no answer.. than at about 800ish (too late to go to club w/o paying) she roommate said she was sleeping. Now its 200pm on Sunday.. no call no email.. (throwing hands in the air) Just its just a f*ck.. I guess I am reading all this all wrong. I do like her, but this is coming across in the way that I hope it wouldnt.
I have been dating.. well okay mosty one woman.. but still. I guess a lot of women cant reach the smiple things that I want out of her. As, I am looking back last few weeks.. I have been on about 4 dates with Zion. I like her... and still want to go out on dates and get to know her more. I guess I am just wearing my feelings on my shoulders today.
I do have a date with this chick on Thrusday. I am having mixed feelings on her. I dont think she can give me what I need... not even the want part. See what happens. The funny thing is her bday is same date as Tony's.
OOooOO I need to call Cathy (tony's sister) to see if she wanted to go see Tony on the 19th for his bday dinner. There is a place in Lakeview Tony has been talking about going to for about a year. It's a little $$$, but it be okay. I spend about $40-$50 anyways lol And, if Cathy go.. it be cheaper. I would not as I am a cheap dyke, but with what money I made.. I make the ends meet and have spending money.