i need to start back on my flickr account

Monday is the day... another interview.
Tuesday is the day... another work day
Wednesday is the day... another workout
Thursday is the day... another work day
Friday is the day... another day of stepping on the scale
Saturday is the day... another work day
Sunday is the day... FOOTBALL !!! (if I can get out of work)

Tonight.. Deb and I are going to see gay cowboys making out/fuking. Anyone seen it? Tony said it was great... yeah, I bet he would of said that. I want to see image of you and me... when it comes to the movies in the burbs. Its playing at Centry mall in Lakeview... hmmm maybe next weekend. Deb wants to go to the city then. See, if I can get some time off. The fukers here have not hired anyone yet.

Great interview on the phone today. So good that she called the lady that I will have the person interview with right after we talked. So, within 2 hours... 2nd interview aready setup!! Well... more like 3 since I was at the Lake Zurich Y!
The job be fulltime.. m-f.. 800-430... and I would make enough to move to the city.!! If, I do get it.. and do end up in LakeView.
Lake zurich YMCA... what a $$$ one. Thank Goodness.. I am member of Grayslake one, and that I can use anyone I want. The problem I had today was... tv on the machine. Ended up getting sores on my feet.. hurts to walk now. 53mins... and over 2.5 miles later... yeah... lol. I dont think I'll go treadmill tomorrow at the fitness center.
Talked to Jules the other night. We are cool. She is still in love with her "girlfriend" so... thats that! Find with me. Just needed to hear it. Easy get over (so, I am telling myself).
Deb, sent me flowers to work on Tuesday. Just out of the blue. She so sweet and nice to me. I do like her more and more.. there wasnt a big bang wow when we met. Just come over time.
I'm down in freaking AV tonight. They need a freaking temp or student worker. Dont like being down here anymore.... ready to move on to another job.

Friday afternoon I jumped on the scale to see what happened for the last two weeks of not eating much of anything. Lost 7 pounds! OMG! Now, I sure know why my hip has been fuking hurting! 7-8 miles in walking/running in two weeks. See, if I can keep it up.
Tony and I going to book our Disney trip in mid-Feb. Three nights at the French Quarter with all passes and one evening meal per day. Only $725.09 each. Thinking about driving down... and going to South Beach after GayDays.
Bad day on Thursday!! Text Jules and she had another woman there. Name is Jenn from Milwaukee. Jules said chatted for a few weeks... and she drove got her and taking her back. WOW! When Jules tells me that shes busy with work.... hmmm yeah!
I fucking always dont get the one I want anything.
Only live once...
At one point do I stop holding on to what "might" be coming?
Live life for now... it could end tonight or 40 years from now. Who knows.. only God knows.
It's hard to find another lesbian that has the same basic Christian values as me. yeah, Jules is in that. Yeap! She meets all 5 things I want in a woman!
Damn, I need to freaking talk with Jules.
I am just gonna lay it out!! What happens,... happens.
Maybe I am just too honest in telling... whats up.
OR maybe I just tell what needs not to be told.

Guy here at the College passes away at Condell on Thursday. Thats why the EMS.

You too can just be sitting around and... there goes you life.

Hope, I have at least clothes on when I die.

When or if I live to be in the rapture... would be fly like a bird in the sky? Just turn into grains of sand... just be gone like that? Would the worldy things we have on.. just fall off..?

It's funny.... I was just in the bathroom and noticed that my underwear and top matched prefect!!. That wasnt planned at all. Funny how things like that turns out.

today a long day... back to work to my normal hours. not looking forward of being here for the whole weekend. sure do miss the money tho.
Tony and I are planning our trip to Disney for Gay Days. Can't wait. If it doesnt work out, then we thinking of Mexican Riviera cruise end of October. I really want the Disney more than a cruise with Tony.
been keeping up going to the fitness center and started back at the ymca on tuesday.. tomorrow going to try out the new one at the end of fairfield road... like anyone know where that is.
Deb and I are still going out. I was chatting with co-worker about my "women". (so not true). How dont chat with one, hate this one, dating this one, yeah then I turned all red face when she asked about the cheif. Yeah! Jules! Last time I chatted with her, she is going up and down with her so called gf.. but still in love with her. See, I never get the one that I want anyways.
Maybe I am just too fuking scared for a relationship.

So far so good in calories today. I am doing about 12000 a week. I know this way works for me.. just wish it will come down faster. Sure have gained weight over the holidays. It would be freaking awsome if I was just under 300 now, when I started AM. Girl. Thats... if... and... buts... wishing... oh well, start over.

Size 22 I am coming for ya.

Tony came up to Gurnee this afternoon. Took him to AppleBees to have him try out weight watchers menu. I like their new confetti chicken. YUMMY! Then he and I went shopping. Cant pass that up! Then it was 308...omg! I have not been to the fitness center today.
Got myself in there before work... yeah since its wednesday... treadmill time.
Goal is to 30mins on M W F at least! Then after 2 weeks.. gonna add 5 or 10mins to that time...ect..ect.
Anyways, I try to just do a walk.. maybe a little faster walk at 3.0/3.2mph. Today, I was like F*ck it.. my breast gonna bounce around no matter what. I did 3.8-3.9 mph for about 2-3 mins. I could not believe it. It's not a run... but a pretty good jogging.... it felt great!!

Wow, I must not want to loss weight. I went to the fitness center for 50mins today and about 56 mins for Monday.. and tonight I just ate 3 brownies from work. Whats with the freaking day time staff leaving sweets around here. grrrrrrr. Guess I'll just have to push more than hour tomorrow.

I went back to fitness center finally on Friday.. and did 55mins. No more excuses. Since its harder to change what I eat... I'll just change the part where I can. Go to the freaking fitness center when open. Then when its not.. going to the YMCA. I do pay for something... LOL

When I got on the scale.. I glad it didnt scream at me to get off it. I gained about 11 pounds since mid-Nov. Damn that AG job. Just couldnt put in the time to go and workout. Now, theres no excuse.

I am gonna be size 22 by the end of this year.
No excuse... No Excuse.

Thank GOD! The damn bite is going away. Just give it a little more time. The pain was really bad when I was at a dyke club on Saturday night. Have you been to a lesbian bar/club latey? OMG! there was nothing going on. Temps is the largest one in the Chicago area. And it was so not packed on a Saturday night. Guess more and more lesbians are coupleing up... and here I am left behind.. wanting a woman that is taken!
I think I have a problem with wanting to date her... or any woman that I wanted to date/relationship with. Might just an issue for me. See her taken by someone else... just has me wondering what she has that I dont got.
Other than being so called "straight" and married with 3 kids. Is that what is takes now... well, guess just count me out. LOL
Could be that I dont want a relationship... just dating. I'll be a great subject for the L Word!... heck I'll be that web of names.LOL

This weekend... on Saturday went to dinner then Temps.. On Sunday went down to boystown to thai food and shopping.. all with Deb. She has this thing about saying the most childlish thing. okaydorkie... oooo cherrioos.. Crazy stuff like that. None of my friends say things like that. Even Tony met her, still yet to talk to him and see what he thinks.

its big like a 1/2 dollar bill, red in a circle shape and warm. i asked my mom and she thinks its a zit... on my leg!!?? never happened before. vickie thinks a bug would of bite me. it freaking hurts. a few years ago, joni got an ingrown hair on her leg... turned out to dig a hole and became black. ended up getting meds and $$bills. i sure hope it doesnt get to that point.

come and meet me... so i do
come and have dinner with me... so i do
come and get in the car with me... so i do
come and lend against me... so i do
come and kiss me... so i do

pull away... she doesnt
dont kiss back more... she doesnt
move her hand away... she doesnt
have my hand on the door... she doesnt
say bye to her... she makes me stay

black blue purple gray to say
make me stay wish to go
make my cry for few days
wondering why wanted to die
take me away far far away
not to see her again
black blue purple gray away.

This really sucks azz.... I just found out CLC is switching from Pepsi to Coke.!!

YIKES... YUCKY!!!! I knew I should of got bottle diet pepsi. Now, I for sure have too before the 17th.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Here I am back at work... all alone, since all the day time staff left for the day. It's nice to be my own boss for a few weeks. "No, you can not go up strairs" " The library is Closed!" "Testing is that way" and "no the computer lab is closed!" I so want to say " Go Home cant you see I am busy??!!" lol

Yeah, so I went a little off on myself last time I was here. I was just expressing how I was feeling. And this place seems to be the place to do so. I sent Jeaninne an email.. I'm sorry. I was just hurt and wearing my feelings on my shoulders.

I have not been feeling myself. Deb said in email that she just wanted me to know that she could fall for me. I dont know if I want her to do that. I dont know if I could be happy with her. But then again who knows.

Back in Nov, when I went to go see Jules... we were driving to The Dells and she was telling me in a few months that I'll find someone else that I'll forget about her.. and the other woman will have me saying "wow" Right in the truck... I was saying "WOW" ... and I am still saying WOW. Big problem is.. she is in "love" with a "str8" woman. She was telling me on NYE, how the two of them is done... then next day, they are back together. Yeah, I did have my hopes up high.