I WANT THE JOB I chated with my boss today at work about the full time job. She said that recieved over 60 apps. and they are gonna get it down to around 10ish to interview. I sure better be one of those 10 and get the job. I am soo screwed if I dont get this job. I'll be somewhat find during tax season, if I can work there full time during the day and or 2 nights a week. But I want this full time, I dont know how I will be feeling about working here if I dont get it. Just wished me hired within the department, but the school wont or cant do that cause of tax payers, grants from fed and state..blah blah blah.


I weighed myself on Friday 11-21-03 and I went from 306ish to like 301.5 or more of a 301. Anyways, thats way to awsome. I really stayed with if this week within points, also used my flex points. Used alot on Thrusday for Tony's bday, took him out for lunch. I didnt end up working out at all.. other than that Friday I weighed myself. Next week, going to keep up within the points and go work out more. I only have to be a work at 10 on Monday.. so there no excuse not to go in the morning. :o)



Tuesday at 300pm, I am meeting with the lawyer about the workmens comp from summer 2002. It's about time all that gets done and over with. Be much more nice, if I can get cash before Christmas. That be way awsome. I'll be a happy camper if I get the money, and I lost in pay. The lawyer will be taking 1/3 of it.. soo see what happens on tuesday.


I'm getting sick of being in love.

Today.. ooo what a day

I am too fat to be standing on my feet for many MANY MANY hours for less than $10 per hour. I need to stay with it till end of the year.. damn those bills...

I didnt go work out this morning. Did wake up in time to go, but just couldnt find it in myself to go. I will have to go in the morning to the fitness center.. since Curves doesnt open till around 900am, and I need to be out the door on my way to work around 915/920am.

I'm also lacking in water for today, still need to get drinking. I think I have lost weight. I am trying hard this week... keeping it real... keeping with it. Just think size 20! oooo baby, what an award that is!

I worked my azzoff saturday night cleaning around the house.. my mom said she would pay my car ins.. if i did.. well it's not paid yet.. she has to do it today, before 12:01am on the 17th. I HATE LIVING LIKE THIS!!! I asked my dad for some money today, no go for that. This Hoilday season is gonna kill me. Sure hope my hours will go up at the photo job in a few weeks. That would be great at 25 hours - 30 hours. But the money is not here now.. when i need it now! NOW! and NOWW!!

This week, I am going to stay on track with my points and also working out at the gym and at Curves. Goal this week.. is from Saturday - Friday * Kari gonna do this with me? be good? * Idea is for me to stay on track. I have 32 points a day, and 35 flex points. To eat at least 32 points and not to use more than 35 flex points... I really be happy if I have around 10 points left in my flex points. Also.. to work out at Fittness Center 3 times a week... a mile each day plus 10mins on ellcp. machine. It is sure a work out, some week, It will be a simple 10mins. :o) Also to drink 10 glasses or more of water. I am behind it already, but hope to make up the difference from saturday with todays (sunday)

If I cant have money to pay bills... then let me loss weight. damn size 20 sure sounds good... *EFG* JK

I am sooo broke.. have $80 and I dont have enough to pay my car ins. Plus, with this new job I am driving 30mins one way to work... is this worth it? So, scared in debt. I am back to my normal hours at my main job, which make my checks close to $150 less. I am dieing for money. My dad got paid today, but so scared to ask him for money, seems like all i do. I dont want him to think all I do is ask for money. God, sometimes wonder if it's worth just end it all..crazy to think like that. Money is sure the root of all evil. and i am not even rich to say that.

Hot tea

I have been drinking alot of hot tea here at work... just a craving that i been having. It use to be popcorn now its on to tea. I tried to have popcorn tonight, and it wasnt my thing at all. Try to think of low points foods to have for snack. The down fall of drinking tea is that, I lack in drinking my water. grrrr.. not good

Hot sexy woman
mmm wowow, she sure knows how to make me blush, well at work and ONLINE!! damn that woman is freaking hot. Just teasing her about sex, saying " oo you cant handle this" then says "come here and show me" what a shocker. I love flirting with women, but with her, omg gets me wet sometimes, if we talk long enough about it. she has made me very wet at other times. There is just something about her, omg, yeah thank God of a woman like her. It's wild that sometimes this sexuail link of her and I happen... havent seen her in YEARS.. top of YEARS!!. theres something there, thats more than just sex.. but I am just talkin about the sex part. I want to just rock her world... then she know what its all about.. JK damn hope she doesn rember to look at my blogger

hmmmm a threesome with a guy and her... now thats another topic.

Much better day today... even tho its saturday and I am down in the basement of the library where i am freezzeeingg... bbuuurrr (watching snow falling) its cold enough for that... dont they know its november... time to turn on the heat!!

I found a part time hoilday job (might go pass the hoildays depending).. anyways its a PHOTO LAB job.. wowoowee!!!!!! I start Sunday (tomorrow) with a 2 hour store meeting.. then M T H F from 10-200. they said that will be my training, but i did this same job and company like 4 years ago.. might take like 2 hours to recall things, but thats awsome... i been soo stressing over money like crazy. now i can reflex a little bit... i sure hope i get that full time job!!! same job i am doing now at the library, but its full time.. with medcail benfits, 4 year college repayment program, extra stuff.. more.. and moree... and its M - F not pass 430pm.. WOW a normal job!! never had that.

I think I am sick

sick of life.. sick of having soo many bills.. sick of my job (to a point).. sick of worring about things that arent happening. The sky didnt falling and the world is not flat. Why should I worry about little things.

SCREAMING IN MY HEAD

all the things she said... all the things she said..

yeah right.. deal with only the truth, not of fasticy...

all the things she said.. all the things she said.. come running thought my head.

Friends... friendship... important... friends.. lifetime.

Joni, Kari, Tony and AC. ~ two lesbians... one gay male and one straight woman.

Joni I have known since K-grade. I really good friend of mine. We have been though alot. From her mom and grandma passing away... always together... to times when I drag her to go meet someone I been talking to online.. shes there with me waiting for me to finsh changing clothes... and just end up back on the same outfit that I had on. She is now going with me to Curves for woman. We both need to loss some weight. I am a little more motivated then she is.. but she's keeping up with it.

Kari.. kari.. kari.. what to say about her. A wonderful best friend that I would not trade anything for her. Many long talks on the phone and online.. (holding up phone bill) and we only met two times.. in the last hmmmm 7ish years! Time does fly... She has soo much to offer to her friends and to herself. I think everyone will have the chance in life to have that friend you can always count on.. in times of need or just to put on smile on your face. I dont know how we can do that for each other, but it works.

Tony... OMG joni and I met him at Denny's in Gurnee, Illinois. We use to go there one day a week.. and always get the same waiter. So the rest is history. He is a nice sweet guy. Every woman should have a gay guy in her life. I know if I want a straight answer about something, I know I can count on him for that. I have seen him grow over the years.. from a run down relationship and putting up with it.. and not putting up with anything from anyone. A stronger man within himself :o)

AC... my lesbian mom... I am so glad that I have an older lesbian in my life. She I can call and ask anything... no worries on what she will think. She knows alot more than some others do. Its hard to tell Joni, Tony about things that are going on in my love life, since they arent lesbians. AC is a wise woman. She is doing things in her life to make herself happy. Not putting on the pressure of "you must have a gf"! she lives in Tucson, AZ. I go out to see her as much as I can. I also like kari, met her online. It's been around 8 years of knowing AC.

Where to start??

I find myself tonight at work.. in a very cold basement.. with bright lights to keep me awake.. no voice around me. Do I really want to be here? Do I really want to be here full time? Give up an ideal life of part time work and school. Well, that idea isnt working for me. Bills building up... unable to travel... even to go shoot photography, cause it cost money. Where do i see myself next summer... thats a smiple question to ask.. but I dont have an answer. If I dont get full time here.. i dont know what to do... other than work in tax office again during tax season.. then who knows. Maybe by then.. the butch of my dreams would be coming riding in on the white horse and take me away. Yeah right! LOL