Where to start??

I find myself tonight at work.. in a very cold basement.. with bright lights to keep me awake.. no voice around me. Do I really want to be here? Do I really want to be here full time? Give up an ideal life of part time work and school. Well, that idea isnt working for me. Bills building up... unable to travel... even to go shoot photography, cause it cost money. Where do i see myself next summer... thats a smiple question to ask.. but I dont have an answer. If I dont get full time here.. i dont know what to do... other than work in tax office again during tax season.. then who knows. Maybe by then.. the butch of my dreams would be coming riding in on the white horse and take me away. Yeah right! LOL